Editor’s Note: The following excerpt of an upcoming paper to be delivered by an aspiring Peer of Human Studies, to the Review Board of Tralfamadorian University, Universal Date – 312456, was intercepted by the SETA Observatory Radio Telescopes in Puerto Rico, at about 0100 hours, 28 October 2011.
“The dedicated student of human nature will often look for valuable indicators of these most fascinating creatures, by surveying some of the peripheral aspects of their culture. From their literature, folklore, superstitions, and from the games they play or follow in their spare time. In observing two of these phenomena occurring in the later portion of the 10th month of their solar year (marked by the time of 1 complete orbit of their world, Earth, around their star, Sol), this scholar found a curious and, I believe important, link.
‘Baseball’ and ‘Halloween’ exhibit a previously unknown, or at the very least, under-explored relationship. The members of this Board will recall, from both my previous presentations on these two items, that they seem to stem from very different parts of the spectrum of Human Culture. That is, Baseball being a Game played by children and adults with a small, hide covered orb (or ‘ball’ thus the name), and Halloween, described as a pseudo-religious, fairy-tale inspired celebration of a ‘Ghosts, Goblins, and Gremlins – Shop at WalMart’ endeavor for children and low intelligent adults, primarily as an excuse to eat massive quantities of sugar and sharp metal-laden confections – candy.
After close observation and review of the activities of the latest (Game 6) of the seven games of the World Series held last night in the City of the Arch (which artifact has puzzled Tral historians for some time), I propose that the World Series (of Baseball) is in fact the ritual and celebration that leads up to the annual night of offspring sacrifice known as Halloween.
What is most disturbing, and what inspired the thesis I present here today, is that events of Game 6 actually support the existence of Gremlins (or Angels or Devils, depending upon which Movie or Theatrical Performance is referenced). See Damn Yankees, Angels in the Outfield, or Gremlins in the Bullpen, for reference.
What else could explain the baubles, bumbles, and ‘whacky antics’ of two groups of very talented and professional adult Baseball Players, to whom this Human Society has paid millions of dollars (in a very bad economy), to ‘turn the perfect double play’ ?
Gremlins exist, and while this is not the first time that they appeared in World Series Games (See the 1986 World Series), this 2011 World Series is without a doubt, the most extensive showing of the ‘little devils’.
Respectfully submitted for your consideration, I remain,
Honus W. Doubleday, Humanist Studies, University of Tralfamadore
Post Script: Be sure to watch tonight’s Game 7, and observe a possible answer to the true purpose of the building of the St. Louis Arch, which was completed 46 years ago, on October 28, 1965. Is it some sort of time capsule Trojan Horse, spewing out 100’s of Baseball Ghosts (the Dean Brothers or Satchel Paige), to play their part in this scariest of Human Endeavors. I will update this post with the chilling answers. “So it goes.”